It may tarry but will come so good

The first time if I remember correctly God assured me concerning PhD and funding was on 22nd November, 2005 (that is the date I have written down). He told me to take the steps: apply, pray and wait consistently until the manifestation. Now I don't remember asking him which scholarship He will grant me.

I wish I had. perhaps I would not have wasted time apply year in year out to commonwealth, some schools' scholarships and recently TWOWS (Third World organization of Women in Science). Each came with the polite rejection and well wishing. You know, attempts to try not to hurt your feelings but at the same time saying No.

Each time I am turned down, I go back to God and I still receive assurance that I would get a scholarship. After TWOWS rejection, I felt I have had enough and did not think I would continue to waste time and money on scholarship applications. I have had to send some by courier, in case you may be wondering how I could have spent money on applications. Photocopies and scanning were undertaken as well as trips in some cases for interviews.

However, I encouraged myself in the Lord like David and applied for Wits University's postgraduate merit award. I got back to school to make enquiries concering the award and I was informed that I was given the award. God's word to me was fulfilled. The award would take care of tuition and some stipend.

As I thought of God's goodness to me, I realized that perhaps God may have only been interested in getting me an award with no strings attached. Commonwealth and TWOWS insist that you must return to your country. Not that I minded; home is home but perhaps God has got something up His sleeves (if He has any)...

Living a life worthy of Him

I applied for a scholarship in my school - postgraduate merit award (PMA) in November last year which takes care of tuition and some stipend. Before then I had applied for several scholarships and none was favourable. I began to wonder if God wanted me to go through school with ease or to struggle through it. At some point, I wondered if he considered it a testimony that may bless someone if I struggle through school. However, I encouraged myself and applied for PMA.

This year, yesterday actually, a friend told me to go find out if I got PMA. Today, I went in the morning to find out the outcome. I got to the financial Aid office, gave the guy my student number, he checked and then instructed that I go inside to meet someone. I reasoned I must have gotten it for him to tell me to go inside. Rightly so, I was given my provisional letter.

I thanked God, but by the end of the day, I felt I had not thanked God enough. So I asked God, "How can I thank You?" Immediately, I heard, "By living a life worthy of Me."

God's character

One of the things I do not like to tell people is the year I gave my life to Christ -the year I declared publicly for God. Interestingly, people whether out of reflex or out of curiosity or out of spirituality or out of whatever ask such a question.

Personally, it becomes embarrassing as the years go by and I feel that my faith journey has been awfully slow. Of course there was a period I put my relationship with God on 'pause' and chased shadows. I could feel I was slipping but was deceived to think that I could do nothing about it. But somehow I sensed God's loving hands was upon me. I remember I only had time to pray one prayer most times:

'Dear Lord, please do not allow my conscience to be seared'

I had always known that the best place to be was in Christ, but I was trapped in the things of the world. However, God who searches the heart seeing that I truly desire to live for him began to orchestrate events to help me out. As I retraced my steps, on 25th June, 2007, I read Ephesians 4:20-24:

But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you (The Message).

The last verse struck me and I earnestly prayed asking God to reproduce his character in me. He replied, "As you are continually in my presence, I will reproduce my character in you"

I wrote it down ( if you read the post "hearing God: my challenge", I stated that I record some of the words I hear), which explains how I could remember the exact date. Once in a while I go through the words of God I have written down and on one of such occasions, I discovered that God has told me something similar on 5th October, 2005.

"When you spend more time in my presence, you will be transformed"

So there is no shortcut! To be changed, to remain changed, to exhibit God's character and to show forth his glory, I must spend time in his presence, studying his word and communing with him.

I thought I heard God I

In the posts, 'Hearing God: my challenge' I stated that there were times I thought I heard God concerning certain things but the events did not happen as I supposedly heard them.

One of such times was on 31st January, 2006. I thought I heard God tell me that my sister will have a child the same year. I watched the year, 2006 pass by and it did not happen. I also had a mandate to pray and fast for her every Monday. Or did I give myself the mandate? However, I failed in this task - I did not fast every Monday of the year.

I found myself wondering - was it because I did not fast every Monday of the year that it did not happen? Or God probably did not speak as I thought.

However, we have not given up trusting that God can do it. Indeed, He is the one that gives conception and He created the human body. He can repair any physiological defect and make what may be medically impossible possible.

My Little Finger

It is amazing how little things are taken for granted. Initially we don't know how valuable they are until we are compelled to do without them. I had a deep cut on the little finger on my right hand which bled as if it would not stop. I got to the clinic only to realize it was closed. Next day, I had it cleaned and dressed with the instruction to ensure the hand is kept dry so that the wound could heal fast.

I had so much to do that I was ready to comply so it will heal fast. As I thought of my predicament, I remembered the scripture says all things work to together for good. I must confess I could not help but to wonder how a deep cut could work together for my good. Then I remembered that my handwriting has been poor since the cut. I realized the little finger plays immense role to the so admired handwriting of mine.

So one good is that I learnt that nothing, no matter how small should be taken for granted. It may be small but may be playing a huge role.

Jehovah who saves cost

I wonder if you have encountered God as one who saves cost? Well, recently, I did. I am doing a research which is being funded by my supervisor and I needed a particular enzyme which could be obtained by Sigma-Aldrich but very expensive and sold in aliquots. Buying from Sigma-Aldrich was not cost effective because I would need a large quantity of the enzyme so I had to try to source it elsewhere. I found a company who was going to give me at a good price but it was not one of the companies registered with the school. For a new company to be registered with the school, a form which required a lot of information would be filled. As I discussed with the procurement officer, He said because of such personal information required, a number of companies are hesitant. In fact some do not respond once he sends the form. Some of such information were recently introduced. Well, a form was sent to the company and the guy it was sent to was nice enough to reply to say he was not going to give some of the information required.

Well, since the enzyme was important to me, I began to consider bypassing the school and it meant I would have to pay with my money. But God who knew my present financial situation went ahead of me. When I got to the procurement officer to ask for feedback from the company, he told me that the guy was not eager to fulfill the requirement before we could buy from him. However, he had arranged with a registered supplier to go buy from him and supply to us!

Believe me I was not expecting him to take such an initiative! Indeed it was beyond my expectation. As I thought of it, I realized that I have been saved some money.

Indeed He is the Lord who saves cost.

Approved

It can be quite challenging trying to believe God despite all odds. When one is at one's wits end and it is obvious there is no place to go to, God remains your only option. Then you make a deliberate effort to kick out doubt and trust God who has spoken into your situation.

I had a trying time writing a proposal for my postgraduate study. After I had spent four months writing on a research area, struggling to write it just the way my supervisor wanted, he suggested a change of topic. Initially, I dreaded changing the topic because I was considering the efforts, time, eye aches, headaches and sleepless nights I had put in. However after much deliberation, I accepted to change my topic, spent three strenuous months writing and I submitted. I submitted at the last minute on the last day of submission against all odds. This was because it had to be just as my supervisor desired. Even up to the last day of submission, we were still making corrections.

The next hurdle was the proposal defense where it will either be approved or revision required or rejected. For someone who has spent almost the whole year writing a proposal, I was a bit apprehensive coupled with the impression I was given about the defense. I was told that the assessors do not hesitate to dismiss a proposal. I was made to rehearse my presentation a number of times. Though it was good for me to be prepared but I began to think that it was not in how prepared I was. It was in God granting me favour before the assessors. So I started praying:

"Father, You know am tired and bored with proposal writing and I want to move on to the next hurdle. However, the outcome of the defense determines the next step. I sincerely desire that the proposal be approved"

As I prayed, I saw a paper. I did not see clearly what was written on it but I did see that the word 'approved' was boldly stamped across it. I got up, believing that indeed the proposal had been approved. So I deliberately kept playing the picture over and over until the time to meet the assessors drew near. This helped me a great deal to relieve tension and to kick out doubt.

The presentation went well and apart from a minor correction, the proposal was indeed approved.